I'm not the only one who would argue that the West is experiencing a loneliness epidemic. And plenty of people argue that tribalism is causing problems in our global community. Loneliness and tribalism, two of the biggest issues for our civil discourse.
But if we see these two things as linked, it might help make someone that we once thought unreasonable much more understandable.
Many try to find a tribe of people who think like us because we feel it's our best (last and only) hope for connection. And that makes the tribe a precious thing indeed. Which, in turn, makes staying in equally precious. Which makes risking disagreement over the very thing that keeps one included unthinkable. Literally impossible to consciously be aware of, perhaps.
The upshot of this is that much of the overly defensive, non-curious and emotionally charged responses to differing viewpoints are driven not just by tribalism, but by the loneliness that makes belonging to a tribe such a desperate need.
Disconnection (general loneliness) breeding more disconnection (with anyone outside the tribe), for the sake of maintaining what little connection we have (with those inside the tribe). Only, the quality of that connection is lessened for being dependent on total agreement. Unconditional it ain't.
Now there's nothing revolutionary in all this. But I think what it DOES do is to help make understandable the sheer vehemence with which many refuse to 'go against the family'. When from the outsider's perspective it beggars belief and logic to hold to that party line.
Because that family may be all they've got.
So be gracious to them.
Of course, this isn't the only reason people are unreasonable, but if we can demonstrate loving acceptance with individuals - even those who seem unreasonable to our minds - then perhaps connections can form across divides. And that may lead to some small number of people believing in their hearts that they can be loved despite disagreement.
And once being truly known and truly loved happens at the same time... well... anything can happen.
